Dear sangat,
I have discussed this with a friend but he also told me to get opinions from other people as well; so I guess I'm here.
I am in need of serious help I don't know what to do anymore - I live with no hope for anything as I know hope is pointless as it only leaves me more depressed than before when none of my hopes come true. I'm not satisfied with my life; actually I'm not satisfied with any thing or part of my life hence that's why I want to die. My favorite part of my day is when I go to sleep as it is similar to death but it doesn't last for too long as I have to wake up again and experience this world.
I've tried to give back to the community by doing seva etc but I don't care if it makes other people happy as I don't get happy from doing it.
I don't like being alive people say look at other people from poor countries that they don't have anything but I can't relate to them but I tend to believe that I rather just die of starvation because at least this torture will be over soon. I don't know why God keeps me alive it's like he is a torturer keeping me alive so he can keep torturing me everyday. I do ardaas everyday that god please kill me I don't want to experience this world anymore. God is actually worse than a torturer he keeps you healthy by giving you some food and shelter (so keeping me alive) so he can torture me even more.
He is the one who caused this suffering I also feel that I'm praying to him to stop it as well, which I don't think he will because why would he? He is the one who started it. It's like saying to the India to give justice to the sikhs for the 1984 attacks but why would they?! Why would the torturer stop torturing for no apparent reason!!!???
What can I do to get out of this mentality? So far I have been accepting every day as it comes but even though I have no choice to accept life but I feel seriously depressed every moment of my day.
More...
I have discussed this with a friend but he also told me to get opinions from other people as well; so I guess I'm here.
I am in need of serious help I don't know what to do anymore - I live with no hope for anything as I know hope is pointless as it only leaves me more depressed than before when none of my hopes come true. I'm not satisfied with my life; actually I'm not satisfied with any thing or part of my life hence that's why I want to die. My favorite part of my day is when I go to sleep as it is similar to death but it doesn't last for too long as I have to wake up again and experience this world.
I've tried to give back to the community by doing seva etc but I don't care if it makes other people happy as I don't get happy from doing it.
I don't like being alive people say look at other people from poor countries that they don't have anything but I can't relate to them but I tend to believe that I rather just die of starvation because at least this torture will be over soon. I don't know why God keeps me alive it's like he is a torturer keeping me alive so he can keep torturing me everyday. I do ardaas everyday that god please kill me I don't want to experience this world anymore. God is actually worse than a torturer he keeps you healthy by giving you some food and shelter (so keeping me alive) so he can torture me even more.
He is the one who caused this suffering I also feel that I'm praying to him to stop it as well, which I don't think he will because why would he? He is the one who started it. It's like saying to the India to give justice to the sikhs for the 1984 attacks but why would they?! Why would the torturer stop torturing for no apparent reason!!!???
What can I do to get out of this mentality? So far I have been accepting every day as it comes but even though I have no choice to accept life but I feel seriously depressed every moment of my day.
More...