I would really appreciate any kind of advise in this situation...
I am from a hindu punjabi family. We pray every day, and although we are religious, my family is also quite open to inter-religion marriages (especially with Sikhs), as my great grandmother was Sikh, a few of my cousins have married Sikhs and my mamiji is also Sikh. I am myself getting married to a Sikh guy and his family and my family have happily accepted each other and each others religions. We have decided we will both follow the good values from both religions and teach them to our kids.
The problem is that my sister has been dating a Sikh ramgarhia guy from the past 7 years. They madly love each other, but at the same time have decided that they will not hurt their families by going against them. Since they started going out at a young age, they did not think about the problems religion might have caused in their relationship. The problem is that the guy's family is very very religious and have never had a marriage outside their caste. Their family is totally vegetarian since his parents took Amrit a few years ago and his father and brother do not cut their hair. The guy however cuts his hair and eats meat. He feels very guilty about this and about marrying a hindu girl and feels that he is letting his family down.
Although the guy is confident that his parents will say yes, he has given my sister a set of conditions to my sister that she must follow after marriage. She will be living in the joint family; he has asked her to turn fully vegetarian after marriage; she can not keep any photos or moorti's of hindu gods in their house; him and his family will rarely attend mandir or any pujas organised by our family; his family has conveyed to him that they expect my sister to turn Sikh; their kids will not be allowed to go to a mandir and he has told my sister that his family will not eat at our house or any of our relatives house if we have any meat in our fridge or freezer or unless we buy new pots/pans/plates etc to serve them food.
My sister told him that she will try to adjust to these conditions and will try to eat less and less non-vegetarian food, she will only eat outside at first because it will be hard to give it up immediately, and will stop eating it eventually. The guy eats meat himself, but expects her to give it up immediately when he decides to give it up. But she is very upset that she or her kids cannot follow our religion at all and feels that she is disappointing our upbringing and our parents, as she is being asked to change her whole identity.
She is feeling scared and confused, as its hard for her to let go of such a long term relationship when they love each other so much. She doesnt want him to leave his parents as she doesnt want to break up their family, but is worried that it might be difficult for her to adjust in an enviornment which is so different from her upbringing and such vaste differences in both families will cause problems later on. She is ready to follow Sikhism, and visit the Gurudwara with a true heart, but is finding it hard to give up her religion.
My parents have heard of all of these conditions, and wish for her to break the relationship as they feel that she will have to make too many sacrifices in the future as his family is so strict, but it breaks my heart to see my sister torn apart like this.
I would love to hear what non-biased third parties have to say about this? I might be wrong but didnt Guru Nanak Dev ji say that all humans are equal, and He himself mentions Shakti (hindu goddess) and Ram in his teachings? Is it right to ask her to make all these sacrifices?
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I am from a hindu punjabi family. We pray every day, and although we are religious, my family is also quite open to inter-religion marriages (especially with Sikhs), as my great grandmother was Sikh, a few of my cousins have married Sikhs and my mamiji is also Sikh. I am myself getting married to a Sikh guy and his family and my family have happily accepted each other and each others religions. We have decided we will both follow the good values from both religions and teach them to our kids.
The problem is that my sister has been dating a Sikh ramgarhia guy from the past 7 years. They madly love each other, but at the same time have decided that they will not hurt their families by going against them. Since they started going out at a young age, they did not think about the problems religion might have caused in their relationship. The problem is that the guy's family is very very religious and have never had a marriage outside their caste. Their family is totally vegetarian since his parents took Amrit a few years ago and his father and brother do not cut their hair. The guy however cuts his hair and eats meat. He feels very guilty about this and about marrying a hindu girl and feels that he is letting his family down.
Although the guy is confident that his parents will say yes, he has given my sister a set of conditions to my sister that she must follow after marriage. She will be living in the joint family; he has asked her to turn fully vegetarian after marriage; she can not keep any photos or moorti's of hindu gods in their house; him and his family will rarely attend mandir or any pujas organised by our family; his family has conveyed to him that they expect my sister to turn Sikh; their kids will not be allowed to go to a mandir and he has told my sister that his family will not eat at our house or any of our relatives house if we have any meat in our fridge or freezer or unless we buy new pots/pans/plates etc to serve them food.
My sister told him that she will try to adjust to these conditions and will try to eat less and less non-vegetarian food, she will only eat outside at first because it will be hard to give it up immediately, and will stop eating it eventually. The guy eats meat himself, but expects her to give it up immediately when he decides to give it up. But she is very upset that she or her kids cannot follow our religion at all and feels that she is disappointing our upbringing and our parents, as she is being asked to change her whole identity.
She is feeling scared and confused, as its hard for her to let go of such a long term relationship when they love each other so much. She doesnt want him to leave his parents as she doesnt want to break up their family, but is worried that it might be difficult for her to adjust in an enviornment which is so different from her upbringing and such vaste differences in both families will cause problems later on. She is ready to follow Sikhism, and visit the Gurudwara with a true heart, but is finding it hard to give up her religion.
My parents have heard of all of these conditions, and wish for her to break the relationship as they feel that she will have to make too many sacrifices in the future as his family is so strict, but it breaks my heart to see my sister torn apart like this.
I would love to hear what non-biased third parties have to say about this? I might be wrong but didnt Guru Nanak Dev ji say that all humans are equal, and He himself mentions Shakti (hindu goddess) and Ram in his teachings? Is it right to ask her to make all these sacrifices?
More...