Divorce letters exchanged

[Admin]

[FONT=&quot]Dear wife,[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]I’m writing you this letter to tell you that [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]I’m leaving you for good. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I’ve been a good man to you for seven years[/FONT][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]and I have nothing to show for it. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]These last two weeks have been hell. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Your boss called to tell me that [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]you had quit your job today and [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]that was the last straw.[/FONT][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Last week, you came home and didn’t [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]cooked your favourite meal, [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]and even wore a brand new pair of silk shorts [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]later that night. [/FONT][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]You came home, nibbled at your food [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]for two minutes, and went straight to sleep [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]after watching all of your soaps. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]You don’t tell me you love me anymore, [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]you don’t want sex anymore or anything. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Either you’re cheating on me [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]or you don’t love me. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Whichever is the case….I’m gone.[/FONT][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Signed,[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Your EX-Husband[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]P.S. Don’t try to find me. [/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Your sister and I are moving away [/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]to a different town together. Have a great life![/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]

[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot] Dear Ex-Husband,[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Nothing has made my day more enjoyable [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]than receiving your letter. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]It’s true that you and I have been married [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]for seven years, although a ‘good man’ [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]is a far cry from what you’ve been. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I watch my soaps so much because [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]they drown out your constant [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]whining and griping. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]It’s just too bad it doesn’t work.[/FONT][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]last week…..and actually the first thing [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]that came to my mind was [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]“You look just like a girl”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]but my mother raised me not to say anything [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]at all if you can’t say anything nice. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]And when you cooked my favourite meal, [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]you must have gotten me confused with my [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]SISTER, because I stopped eating pork [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]seven years ago.[/FONT][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]I turned away from you when you had [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]those new silk shorts on because [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]the price tag was still on them. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I prayed that it was just a coincidence [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]from me that morning and your silk [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]shorts were $49.99…[/FONT][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]After all of this, I still loved you and felt that [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]we could work it out. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]So when I discovered that I had hit the [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]lottery for twenty million dollars, [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]But when I got home you were gone. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Everything happens for a reason I guess. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I hope you have the fulfilling life [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]you’ve always wanted.[/FONT][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]you won’t get a cent from me. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]So take care.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Signed: Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee![/FONT][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]but [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]my sister ‘Carla’…was born Carl. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I hope that’s not a problem for you.[/FONT][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]

[/FONT]​

MY wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’ I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started.


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