DENIAL/ਇਨਕਾਰ
ABSTRACT
ਜੇਤੀ ਹੈ ਤੇਤੀ ਕਿਹੁ ਨਾਹੀ ॥ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਗਿਆਨ ਭੇਟਿ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਹੀ ॥
Jėṯī hai ṯėṯī kihu nāhī. Gurmukẖ gi­ān bẖėt guṇ gāhī.
Of little worth is all visible existence and those illumined, disregard its lure under Guru’s guidance and Divine laudation.
-----Guru Nanak, Raag Gauri, AGGS, Page, 226-19
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Denial (ਇਨਕਾਰ) is the psychological process by which human beings protect themselves from the reality of things that threaten them. It blocks the knowledge of those things from their awareness. Humans in the world are in denial of the 21st century and are still living in the old times. They can safely face the present reality by cultivating virtues as described by Guru Arjan;
-----Guru Nanak, Raag Gauri, AGGS, Page, 226-19
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Denial (ਇਨਕਾਰ) is the psychological process by which human beings protect themselves from the reality of things that threaten them. It blocks the knowledge of those things from their awareness. Humans in the world are in denial of the 21st century and are still living in the old times. They can safely face the present reality by cultivating virtues as described by Guru Arjan;
ਮਿਤ ਕਾ ਚਿਤੁ ਅਨੂਪੁ ਮਰੰਮੁ ਨ ਜਾਨੀਐ ॥ਗਾਹਕ ਗੁਨੀ ਅਪਾਰ ਸੁ ਤਤੁ ਪਛਾਨੀਐ ॥
Miṯ kā cẖiṯ anūp maramm na jānī▫ai. Gāhak gunī apār so ṯaṯ pacẖẖānī¬ai.
Unique is the Divine Friend’s heart of unknowable mystery. One who seeks limitless merits realizes Its Essence. -----Guru Arjan, Funhay Mahla 5, AGGS, Page, 1362-14
Change is inevitable. It is a fact of life. It occurs with time in every aspect of life. Myths abound about change on the horizon. Some myths are promoted by vested interests. To be in denial of change that occurs with the passage of time, serves no purpose. We have a choice to fight against the current or accept and go with the flow. We can fight the change or embrace it. This choice to meet the change must be faced with an open mind and from the depths of heart. Despite a natural tendency to resist change, we should not be reluctant to understand our changing world.
Denial is a defense, which distorts reality; it keeps us from feeling the pain and uncomfortable truth about things we do not want to face.
ਸਹਸ ਅਠਾਰਹ ਕਹਨਿ ਕਤੇਬਾ ਅਸੁਲੂ ਇਕੁ ਧਾਤੁ ॥
Sahas aṯẖārah kahan kaṯėbā asulū ik ḏẖāṯ.
Muslim scriptures say that there are 18,000 worlds, but in reality, there is only One Essence. -----Guru Nanak, Japji, AGGS, Page, 5-3
If we cannot foresee the consequences of our actions, then everything may seem fine. And we can continue to live without making any changes. Denial (ਨਾਬਰੀ) is automatic; it is not usually a matter of deliberate lying or willful deception. People are blinded to the fact that their view of the situation does not conform to reality. The denial system distorts their perception and impairs their judgment. So they become self-deluded and incapable of accurate self-awareness. Guru Arjan in Sri Raag writes;
ਮਾਨ ਅਭਿਮਾਨ ਮੰਧੇ ਸੋ ਸੇਵਕੁ ਨਾਹੀ ॥ ਤਤ ਸਮਦਰਸੀ ਸੰਤਹੁ ਕੋਈ ਕੋਟਿ ਮੰਧਾਹੀ ॥
Mān abẖimān manḏẖe so sevak nāhī. Ŧaṯ samaḏrasī sanṯahu ko¬ī kot manḏẖāhī.
One moved by thoughts of honor and dishonor is not a true devotee. One in millions is the Devotee of God, enlightened to Its essence. -----Guru Arjan, Sri Raag, AGGS, Page, 51-14
Denial (ਨਾਂਹ ਨੁਕਰ) comes in many forms. Denial is normally about some human conditions or situations -- relationships, someone’s behavior, health, or family affairs, etc. We all want everything to "be fine." We have denial to shield us from pain.
Denial has to be eventually replaced by truth and its acceptance as advised by Guru Nanak in Raag Maru and Guru Amardas in Sri Raag;
ਸੇ ਛੂਟੇ ਸਚੁ ਕਾਰ ਕਮਾਈ ॥ਅਹਿਨਿਸਿ ਭਗਤਿ ਰਤੇ ਵੀਚਾਰੀ ਠਾਕੁਰ ਸਿਉ ਬਣਿ ਆਈ ਹੇ ॥
Sė cẖẖūtė sacẖ kār kamā¬ī. Ahinis bẖagaṯ raṯė vīcẖārī ṯẖākur si¬o baṇ ā¬ī hė.
They alone find release, who leads a life of honest dealings. Day and night, the devotees remain immersed in contemplative meditation; they become just like their Akal Purkh and Master. -----Guru Nanak, Raag Maru, AGGS, Page, 1024-4
ਬਿਨੁ ਪ੍ਰੀਤੀ ਭਗਤਿ ਨ ਹੋਵਈ ਬਿਨੁ ਸਬਦੈ ਥਾਇ ਨ ਪਾਇ ॥ ਸਬਦੇ ਹਉਮੈ ਮਾਰੀਐ ਮਾਇਆ ਕਾ ਭ੍ਰਮੁ ਜਾਇ ॥ਨਾਮੁ ਪਦਾਰਥੁ ਪਾਈਐ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਸਹਜਿ ਸੁਭਾਇ ॥
Bin parīṯī bẖagaṯ na hova¬ī bin sabḏai thā¬ė na pā¬ė. Sabḏė ha¬umai mārī¬ai mā¬i¬ā kā bẖaram jā¬ė. Nām paḏārath pā¬ī¬ai gurmukẖ sahj subẖā¬ė.
Without love, there is no devotional worship. Without the Sabd, no one finds acceptance. Through the Sabd, egotism is conquered and subdued, and the illusion of Maya is dispelled. The Guru willed obtains the Treasure of the Naam with intuitive ease. -----Guru Amardas, Sri Raag, AGGS, Page, 67-5
Denial may foster feeling of anger, fear, shame, and isolation. Instead of being cold and cut off from them and the others, we can learn to be warm and begin to grow again.
ਹੇ ਕਲਿ ਮੂਲ ਕ੍ਰੋਧੰ ਕਦੰਚ ਕਰੁਣਾ ਨ ਉਪਰਜਤੇ ॥ਬਿਖਯੰਤ ਜੀਵੰ ਵਸ੍ਯ੍ਯੰ ਕਰੋਤਿ ਨਿਰਤ੍ਯ੍ਯੰ ਕਰੋਤਿ ਜਥਾ ਮਰਕਟਹ ॥
Hė kal mūl kroḏẖ¬aʼn kaḏancẖ karuṇā na uparjaṯė. Bikẖ¬yanṯ jīvaʼn vas¬yaʼn karoṯ nirṯ¬yaʼn karoṯ jathā marakteh.
O, Anger, the source of strife, a person haunted by your presence within, may never receive Akal Purkh’s Grace. In fact, whosoever comes under your control jumps and dances around like a monkey. -----Guru Arjan, Sloke Sahskriti, AGGS, Page 1358-6
People tend to ward off attacks on their denial through a variety of defense mechanisms. Some defenses are conscious and we are aware of them. Others are subconscious. We use both to keep our denial intact. We use all forms of denial, although there are some that become our favorites. Here are the more common forms of defenses:
1. SIMPLE DENIAL (ਨਾਂਹ ਨੁਕਰ): Simply denying a fact.
2. MINIMIZING: Minimizing is admitting the problem to some degree but doing so in such a way that it appears to be much less serious than it actually is.
3. RATIONALIZING: It is making excuses to justify one’s behavior in a particular situation. The behavior is not denied but an inaccurate explanation of its cause is given.
4. INTELLECTUALIZING or GENERALIZING: Intellectualizing is avoiding emotional or personal awareness of a problem. A particular situation or conduct is explained in such theoretical terms that it comes to be viewed in vague and general terms.
5. BLAMING: Blaming is used to shift the responsibility for wrong doing from the actual culprit to someone else. In such a projection, the behavior is not denied, but its cause is placed 'out there', not within the person doing it.
6. DIVERSION: Diversion is changing the subject to avoid a subject that is felt to be threatening.
7. BARGAINING: Bargaining is cutting deals or setting conditions as to when the circumstances will be right to address the problem.
8. PASSIVITY: Passivity is ignoring the situation, or being its victim. "I've tried to be good before, but my emotions are stronger than me." "There's nothing I can do." "If only I had more will power..." are examples of passivity.
9. HOSTILITY: Hostility occur when the person becomes angry or unpleasantly irritable when the behavior of his subject is mentioned, scaring or threatening people away from discussing it.
Denial (ਇਨਕਾਰ) is not usually a matter of deliberate lying or willful deception. Those in denial are blinded to the fact that their view of the situation does not conform to reality.
The denial (ਇਨਕਾਰ) system distorts their perception and impairs their judgment so they become self-deluded and incapable of accurate self-awareness.
Conclusion:
Denial (ਇਨਕਾਰ) is progressive. The denial system becomes increasingly more pervasive and entrenched as the time goes by. In the early stages its impact may be minimal. With some encouragement, those in denial can usually view their situation fairly realistically. However, over time a person's illusion can get aggravated. Even when others consider the problem as serious, the one in denial may have already developed an elaborate system of defenses shielding him or she from seeing what is really happening. When you argue with reality, you lose - but only 100% of the time. To understand reality is not the same as to know about outward events. It is to perceive the essential nature of things. The best-informed man is not necessarily the wisest. Indeed there is a danger that precisely in the multiplicity of his knowledge he will lose sight of what is essential. But on the other hand, knowledge of an apparently trivial detail quite often makes it possible to see into the depth of things. And so the wise man will seek to acquire the best possible knowledge about events, but always without becoming dependent upon this knowledge. To recognize the significant in the factual is wisdom. Reality does not conform to the ideal, but confirms it and leaves a lot to the imagination.
Reality is defined as the quality or state in the totality of all things possessing actuality, existence, or essence. Not only is the universe stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. -----Albert Einstein
ਨਿਰਗੁਣੁ ਸਰਗੁਣੁ ਆਪੇ ਸੋਈ ॥ ਤਤੁ ਪਛਾਣੈ ਸੋ ਪੰਡਿਤੁ ਹੋਈ ॥
Nirguṇ sarguṇ āpė so­ī. Ŧaṯ pacẖẖāṇai so pandiṯ ho¬ī.
The Akal Purkh It self is Unmanifest and Unrelated; Those who recognize this essential reality are the true spiritual scholars. -----Guru Amar Das, Raag Majh, AGGS, Page, 128-13
Virinder S. Grewal
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